Today is the day after Thanksgiving and I have a lot to be thankful for this year. In June, I had my first child, Wyatt, and he's been the most wonderful thing that I've done in my entire life. Russ always said that a couple was never really married until they had a child, well we are definitely a family now!!!
With all that I have to be thankful for, with being a new mom, I'm also scared of lots of things. Everyone says that you can't explain what it feels like to be a mom until you are one, they are 1000% correct. I thought that I would have my baby and everything would be OK, (I'm no dummy, I knew that it would hard) but that I would stay the same person. Well that didn't happen!!! Just about everything thing that I think and feel has changed. Some nights I just sit in Wyatt's room holding him and cry because I'm so scared that something bad is going to happen to him and then my mind wanders to bad places and I have to make it stop. I have no reason to feel this way, but it's one of those things that you can't explain.
The waves of emotions have been CRAZY! Russ has been great, he didn't run screaming from me the nights I would cry myself to sleep for really no reason. I must say that I'm getting better about keeping my emotions under control, but they are definitely much different than they were before. My co-workers used to joke that I was emotionally bankrupt and had no feelings, well those days are gone by the wayside!
I'm going to kiss my son on the head (he's already asleep in his crib) and go to bed. Here's to hoping that I only wake up once to check on him tonight.
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